


A Comedy of Errors

by Davechicken



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 18:14:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8588710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Kylo and Hux are not good at the sex.





	

Great romance this is not. Maybe Kylo expected too much because of all the great holos he saw, but as he tries to kiss Hux, he is stuck with the terrible realisation that kissing is actually bizarre.

Kylo’s nose is too big. He tries to work out which side it should go to, convinced he’ll blind him with a bayonet stab. When he finally gets to grips with his lips, he then doesn’t know what to do with them. They kind of dumb-talk over one another, mouthing emptily.

Hux likes the kissing, because Kylo can feel the enjoyment in him. So he’s just missing the point, it seems. It’s all squishy, and then there’s a tongue that isn’t his own inside his mouth. It’s slippery, and Kylo is sort of figuring out why people enjoy this when he’s walked backwards.

Onto a table corner. Which is sharp. And isn’t the kind of anal penetration he was hoping for. It stings a little, and he tries to walk them a bit to the side so he isn’t sodomised by the room, but he steps on Hux’s foot.

Hux then pulls his hair. And Kylo - without intending it - bites Hux’s tongue.

They pull away from each other, both glowering at the pain, and then Hux laughs. “Bed?”

“Might be wise.”

Kylo is so nervous he nearly falls over when he pulls his boots off, but then he starts really working on sexily stripping. He hates how he looks, but Hux likes it. So he pretends he isn’t a malformed heap and shimmies his hips, pulling his belt free and–“I’m sorry!”

Hux has his hand pressed to where the belt flicked. It came loose faster than expected, and Kylo is mortified to have injured him a second time. He bends to examine the spot right as Hux’s hands lift.

To connect with his nose.

Kylo reels, both hands over his snout as it stings with every pound of his heart.

(His boner is rapidly failing, which isn’t helping.)

Hux sits down on the bed, and Kylo bursts into hysterics. This just isn’t working, and it’s possible he’s minorly concussed. Hux’s pants are open, and Kylo is in the middle of two parentheses of black cloth.

“I think we shouldn’t try anything complicated tonight,” Hux says. “If you suck me, you’ll probably bite my dick off.”

“And you’ll cause internal bleeding if you fuck me,” Kylo agrees.

“Strip over there. Slowly. No dancing, just naked.”

Kylo does as he’s told, though he’s not sure he still wants… Oh. Hux has his hand in his pants, and he’s fondling himself, instead. That pulls his interest back again.

“You want help with that?” Kylo asks, holding his mesh top in front of his groin.

“Think I’d like to watch what you do to yourself when you think about me,” Hux replies. “You can’t fuck that up. Maybe… tell me what you fantasise about?”

Kylo licks his lips. If they’re not touching, they can only hurt themselves. Plus, knowing Hux touches himself to thoughts of him is all kinds of hot, and he feels less bad about the furious jerking it sessions he’s had, now.

First he checks the chair won’t collapse, and then he sits to curl his palm around his shaft. Watching the twitches as Hux stimulates himself is ridiculously hot.

“Mostly I think about being pushed face down. You riding me to the edge and over, but I’m flexible…”

Hux’s hand speeds perceptibly, and Kylo can see the angry, red tip. He wants so much to suck and swallow.

“Face down, huh?”

“Ass up… Fucking me blind…”

Hux’s eyes blacken. “You filthy slut. Bet you want me to come inside you, too?”

“So much that you dribble when you pull out.”

Hux comes embarrassingly fast, his expression horrified. Kylo is glad he’s not the only one to enjoy those thoughts.

“When you’re done, you put your fingers in my ass and touch me until I come, too.”

The noise he makes is unholy, and Hux strides over. He slaps come-sticky fingers on Kylo’s butt, then slides one digit inside. Kylo howls, and when Hux starts to suck, he’s a goner. He barely lasts a minute, then Hux pulls off his cock. Kylo beats himself roughly, intending to come all over his face…

Some gets in Hux’s eye.

Who has their eyes open at a time like this? Whatever. He got off, and so did Hux. It’s a mess, but at least it worked.

Hux wipes his face clean, uncomplaining for a change. “Shower. Then bed, before one of us winds up dead.”

Oops. Yes. They probably will end up hospitalised, and not for groin strain.


End file.
